Lately, I’ve begun revisiting my old music to see what holds up. Since around my mid-20s I have been disillusioned with the metal scene. There was an inescapable interconnection of the increasingly toxic culture, the genre being pushed to the fringes, and general stagnation. Also, I changed. I was tired of the machismo posturing and wanted to relax; so my tastes evolved into post-rock, chillout, and general down-tempo. Honestly what put the nail in the coffin was Vaporwave, a fresh [at the time] noise inspired genre that scratched many of my tastes simultaneously.

I could easily talk about the stuff that is very out of date and should remain in the past (RIP Children of Bodom), but I instead want to revisit something that became one of my top albums of all time: Catch 33 by Meshuggah.

When I was in secondary school I saw their music video for Shed on Fuse TV (RIP) and became enamored by it. But when I bought the the album it’s from, I simply wasn’t ready for what it was due to me literal immature tastes. It was slow; it didn’t go “heavy”; there was barely any lyrics; I’d blink and would be at track 4 thinking it was still track 1. At first I thought I got scammed, but I also alsoknew I stumbled upon something… interesting? I simply had no idea what it even was. So I shelved it.

But it stuck in my brain like tar. I never heard anything like it before. Later I would discover Tool which was the closest thing I had to the familiar “interesting” feeling. Over the years, I would revisit the album and appreciate it more little by little. In college I’d call it one of my favorite albums of all time, but I still didn’t get it.

Now I’m in my 30s and have matured as an artist, a writer, and as a person; now ready to take an honest look without judgement. Today I pulled up the playlist and for the first time listened while reading the lyrics. It finally clicked. I get it. I finally get it. It’s beautiful.

For the first time in eight (8) years, I made art I’m honestly proud of. I found a way to use the medium I’m most comfortable with in a creative process that happens to work for me so far. The hardest barrier to get over is the self-imposed stigma of short form.

The process is putting marks on the paper and not stop moving my hand until the drawing comes to me. The marks beget textures. Through the textures, the piece takes form. Now I just develop and finish it. It normally takes a few hours– no more than a day so far.

Yet I keep thinking of Another Man’s Treasure (retitled to Drink)– how I perceive it as my art’s highest point, despite having to cut half of it. I keep thinking, maybe one day I’ll finish it. Although I’m still open to the idea, realistically it’s just a romantic symbol of my past that exemplifies how much I struggle with creating long form content in general. After all, if a ream can’t crack two minutes, how could I expect myself to make fifteen, let alone thirty or ninety.

I’ve come to accept that this false dilemma that only exists within the framework of specific algorithmic rewards and/or monetary compensation. I don’t need to write the Great American Novel^TM when I often express myself in flash fiction; I don’t need to make a graphic novel when ‘zines have sufficed so far; I don’t need to develop an art style that isn’t mine to spend 40+ hours on a drawing I’ll never find good enough.

I am beginning to trust who I am and to do art for myself, no one else. Let’s see how far it goes…

Welcome to 2024. Been a while, friend. So here’s an update on some changes:

• New About edit dropped. Basically saying I’m burned out on sad stuff and the art I used to make. Trying to be more lighthearted with my art
• Theater fixed
  • Finally uploaded to Youtube. I don’t really know why it took this long to be honest. But I just looked at Vimeo today and thought, why the fuck am I still here? So there we go.
  • Aspect ratio fixed on Another Man’s Treasure. For some reason it was in 16:9 instead of 4:3 with black bars on the side. It’s embarrassing how lazy I am was.

So you might be asking what I’ve been up to. And if not, I’ll tell you anyway. I’m taking a break from more serious unpublished projects such as The Hive’s Labyrinth and Tower of Flesh and Bone in favor of more structured writing and lighthearted comics. Here’s what’s currently in the works:

• Structured writing
  • A Love Letter to Riichi: Chess, Poker, Gambling, and the Power of Media
  • On Ai Art 2: Embracing Sludge and Revisiting Dada
• Comic
  • Tunnels of Moonkrall

I’m pretty excited! Although I’m spending way too much time with Baldur’s Gate 3, I’m pretty confident I’ll crack at it sooner than later ;)

the motherfucking 100% eclipse baybeeeeee. Granted, it was cloudy but seeing the people at the park was a treat. A deeply human event that I’m thankful to have experienced. our monkey brains came together to appreciate an observable cosmic event. I felt connected to everyone for just that moment. Then they all drove home. However, the most underrated part was it getting light out after it got dark. No one really talks about that. Maybe I’m the weird one…